Orochimaru's Stubid Training with Sasuke
by Super Ninja Asian-Chan
Summary: Three lesson: growing armpit hair, giving birth to snakes, and changing colors. Read this to see what kind of stuff Orachimaru is teaching Sasuke. You're going to love this story, because you know... it's funny.
1. Lessons 1 to 3

**Orachimaru's Stubid Training with Sasuke**

**Lesson 1-3**

**You will be learning about how Sasuke was able to do his amazing techinques.**

**Lesson 1: Changing Colors**

**Lesson 2: Learning to grow armpit and head hair**

**Lesson 3: Giving birth t****o snakes**

Orachimaru: Sasuke, are you ready for my training?

Sasuke: Yes, yes I am Orachimaru.

Orachimaru: Good good. Now, let's see if you can change the color of your skin!

Sasuke: Uh... I think I can live without that techinque.

Orachimaru: Are you sure? I mean, changing into a different color is totally bling bling.

Sasuke: First of all, don't say that. Second of all, I'm fine, I don't need that technique.

Orachimaru: Ok, ok, fine. But just watch this. GAAA WAAAAA MMFFFFFFTTT!

Sasuke: What the freak are you doing?

Orachimaru: AAAGGGGG! RAAAAA MFFFFFTTT!

Sasuke: Ok, seriously, you're scaring me.

Orachimaru: AAAAAAAAAHHHHHHHHH MFFFFTT! Ah, there we go.

(Orachimaru turned invisible.)

Orachimaru: See? Sometimes you have to really focus to your backgrounds and now you can transformed to be invisible. Cool, huh?

Sasuke: ok, now how do you change colors?

Orachimaru: First, you gotta concentrate. Concentrate as though you are crapping. You might make weird noises, but thats ok. Just focus on the color you want to change yourself into. Think Sasuke, think.

Sasuke: ...mmm...MMMMMMM...MMMMMFFFFTTTT!

(Sasuke turned purple)

Orachimaru: SASUKE! That's amazing! You learned this techinque in less than a minute!

Sasuke: ...

Orachimaru: You can turn back to your normal self now.

Sasuke:...

Orachimaru: Sasuke are you ok?

Sasuke: I'm... not... breathing... that' s... why... I'm... purple... does ... that... count?

Orachimaru: NO!

(Orachimaru slaps Sasuke and he falls to the ground)

Orachimaru: What kind of idiot does that?

Sasuke: sorry.

Orachimaru: Ok, next lesson. I will show you how to grow more hair on your head and armpits. This can be used to torture you enemies easily. Now watch this. GAAAAAAAA! MMFFFFFTTTT! HA HA HA HAW HAAAAAAAAWWWWWWWWW! SSSSSSSSSS!

Sasuke: Ok, I'm lost.

Orachimaru: Just listen to the words I'm saying out of my mouth, aight?

Sasuke: Ok.

Orachimaru: ARRRRRRMMMMPPPIIIIIIITTTTT HHHHAAAAAIIIIIRRRR! GROW! GROW! GROW DANG IT GROW!

(Orachimaru's armpit hair grew about 5 feet long.)

Sasuke: how did you do that?

Orachimaru: Of course, I focused my chakra to my armpits and just let it burst!

Sasuke: umm... ok then. Why do I need to learn this?

Orachimaru: Because! You will need this soon! You can constrict your enemies with this hair!

Sasuke: Alright, let me try.

Orachimaru: Let's see you do it!

Sasuke: I must focus my chakra... focus... focus...ARRRMMMPIIITTT HHHHAAAIIIIRRR! GROW GROW DANG IT GROW!

(BAM! Sasuke accidently focused his chakra at his face, so now he looks like chubaka from star wars)

Orachimaru: Umm.. uh... let's go to our next one, huh?

Sasuke: Wait, let me go shave this off first.

(1 hour later. Sasuke is back to normal.)

Sasuke: Ok, Orachimaru. Seriously, teach me a real techinque.

Orachimaru: Ok, ok. Alright, now listen to me. Do you know how to summon snakes?

Sasuke: no.

Orachimaru: Well, do you know what you have to do when you summon snakes?

Sasuke: no.

Orachimaru: Do you want to know?

Sasuke: yes.

Orachimaru: YOU GIVE BIRTH TO THEM!

Sasuke: What?

Orachimaru: You give birth to them of course! Snakes just can't appear out of nothing!

Sasuke: Ok, now what do I have to do first?

Orachimaru: Here.

(Orachimaru summons a girl snake.)

Sasuke: you don't expect me t-

Orachimaru: Of course not silly! You are going to kill this snake and bake it!

Sasuke: Why?

Orachimaru: I'm hungry. Anyways, first you have to focus a large amount of chakra to your hands. ok, are you doing it?

Sasuke: yeah, go on.

Orachimaru: Alright, now think of a snake egg.

Sasuke: Alright, I'm thinking about it right now.

Orachimaru: Good good. Now, SUMMON IT!

Sasuke: YEAAAAAAHHH!

(poof, Sasuke summons a baby king snake)

Orachimaru: umm... it's rather small.

Sasuke: Is that a problem?

Orachimaru: Maybe it is. Maybe it isn't.

Sasuke: Ok.

Orachimaru: it's ok, take a break.

Sasuke: tomorrow can you teach me something that does not involve giving birth, growing hair, and changing color?

Orachimaru: Sure, hee hee hee, I'll try to think of something extra SPACTACULAR!

**Thanks for reading this odd story of mine. If you can, can you review? Thank you. Anyways, I posted up my next story Lessons 4 to 5, and this is the next chapter to this story. By the way, if you liked this story, you should read my other story, "The Purple Kiss". This is the story before I made this. Thank-you! Bye! **

**-Super Ninja Asian Chan**


	2. Lessons 4 to 5

**Lessons 4-5**

**Lesson 4: growing a snake tongue **

**Lesson 5: spitting out a sword from your mouth**

Orachimaru: Sasuke, are you healed up?

Sasuke: yes, I am.

Orachimaru: Alright, first lesson of today.

Sasuke: Is it something normal?

Orachimaru: maybe.

Sasuke: umm... ok, what is it?

Orachimaru: YOU WILL GROW A SNAKE TONGUE!

Sasuke: ...

Orachimaru: You don't seem excited?

Sasuke: Um... I don't want to grow a snake tongue.

Orachimaru: Watch this, you can poisin your enemies quickly. GAAAAAA MFFFFTTTT!

(A snake comes out of Orachimaru's mouth and it constricts Sasuke)

Orachimaru: Ah ah ah, youth seeth whath I meanth?

Sasuke: ...I...can't... breath...

Orachmaru: Oh, sorry.

(Orachimaru lets go off Sasuke and the snake returns back to his mouth)

Orachimaru: Alright, lets see if you can do it.

Sasuke: Ok, umm... so what do I do?

Orachimaru: Focus your chakra at your tongue and then release it and think of a snake! ONLY A SNAKE! I don't know what will happen if you don't think of a snake.

Sasuke: Ok, has this ever happened to you?

Orachimaru: uh, no, but let's get on with it!

Sasuke: Alright, ...focus my chakra... at ... my tongue...and ... think... of a snake...

(A squirrel fell off of a tree and started running towards Sasuke)

Sasuke: OOO-SNAP!

(Sasuke accidently thought of a squirrel instead of a snake, and a squirrel popped out of his mouth)

Sasuke: LLLLAAAA! ORACHIMARU HELP!

Orachimaru: Well, what do you want me to do?

Sasuke: IT'S SOOOO HAIRY!

Orachimaru: Then, uh, bite it or something!

Sasuke: I DONTH WANTH TO BITETH MY OWNTH TONGUE!

Orachimaru: Oh, jeez what are the squirrels doing now?

Sasuke: I don't know! GET IT OFF GET IT OFF!

(The squirrel still connected to Sasuke's tongue started chasing the other squirrel around the tree)

Sasuke: AAHHH! Now what do I do? Run after it?!

Orachimaru: Sasuke, keep on running so that squirrel doesn't pull your tongue out!

(Sasuke is running after his tongue and after the squirrel his tongue is chasing after)

Orachimaru: Alright, I got it!

(Orachimaru pulled out a bazooka and shot the squirrel)

BAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAMMMMMMMMMMM!

(But, he got the two squirrels mixed up and accidently shot Sasuke's tongue.)

There's a lot of smoke

Orachimaru: Oh, crap.

Sasuke: Orachimaru, I think you got the squirrel!

Orachimaru: Umm.. Uh... Sasuke, i gotta go to the bathroom, I'll be back. uhh...bye.

Sasuke: Ha ha ha, we got you squirrel.

(The smoke cleared up and Sasuke's tongue was revealed.)

Sasuke: WHAT THE-

A random squirrel: CHICK CHICK CHICK!

(The random squirrel ran up to Sasuke's fried squirrel tongue and it grabbed Sasuke's tongue and the squirrel got ripped off.)

Sasuke: Hee hee hee. My tongue is back to normal!

(Orachimaru came back from the "Bathroom".)

Orachimaru: Uh... Sasuke, are you alright?

Sasuke: yeah, my tongue is just burnt. Can we try something different besides summoning animals out of our mouths?

Orachimaru: Sure!

Sasuke: Ok, so what's our next lesson?

Orachimaru: SUMMONING A SWORD OUT OF YOUR MOUTH!

Sasuke: Wha...?

Orachimaru: This one is fairly easy, trust me!

Sasuke: ok, so what do I do?

Orachimaru: Well, first you have to focus your chakra at your mouth.

Sasuke: obviously.

Orachimaru: next, you have to think of a sword. AND ONLY A SWORD! NO OTHER WEAPONS!

Sasuke: Ok, so, uhh.. can you try it? You now, so I can see?

Orachimaru: Sure, GUUUHHHHH!

(A sword flew out of Orachimaru's mouth)

Orachimaru: coolth, isn'th itth?

Sasuke: Ok, let me try.

(Orachimaru's sword went back into his mouth)

Orachimaru: Alright, let me see you do it.

Sasuke: Alright... focus... focus... at... mouth... sword... sword... must think of a sword...

(Meanwhile, a lady living right next to Orachimaru's lair came out of her house.)

Lady: DANG IT BOB! I TOLD YOU NOT TO USE THAT PLUNGER! ITS BROKEN! BROKEN! NOW I HAVE TO GET A NEW ONE!

(The lady threw the broken plunger over the fence and it fell right in front of Sasuke.)

Sasuke: What the-

(Sasuke, instead of thinking of a sword, thought about the plunger.)

Orachimaru: Oh, great.

(A plunger popped out of Sasuke's mouth.)

Sasuke: WHAT THE? ORACHIMARU! GET THIS OFF OF ME!

Orachimaru: uh... I don't know... umm... pull it out!

Sasuke: Why am I thinking about PLUNGING?

Orachimaru: Umm... Sasuke are you ok?

Sasuke: MUST PLUNGED! PLUNGED!

Orachimaru: umm...

(Sasuke flew on top of Orachimaru and the plunger was sucking on Orachimaru's head.)

Orachimaru: SASUKE GET OFF OF ME! STOP SUCKING MY HEAD!

Sasuke: hee hee hee!

Orachimaru: DANG IT! IT'S DISGUSTING!

Sasuke: Gwa ha ha!

Orachimaru: Alright then!

(Orachimaru poofed away!)

Sasuke: huh? Must find toilet! hee hee hee!

(Orachimaru hid behind a tree)

Sasuke: Heh heh heh... sniff sniff I can't sense any signs of toilets... must find Orachimaru.

Orachimaru: Oh-great... this is actually fearful.

Sasuke: HEE HEE HEE! FOUND YOU!

(Sasuke popped up behind Orachimaru)

Orachimaru: OH-SNAP!

(But quickly, Orachimaru had fast reflexes and snatched the plunger out of Sasuke's mouth)

Sasuke: GUUUH!

Orachimaru: Sasuke are you alright?

Sasuke: Yeah, I felt as though a plunger has taken over my mind.

Orachimaru: Well, at least that's special. Not many people know the mind of a plunger.

Sasuke: Yeah...

Orachimaru: Why don't you go rest, Sasuke?

Sasuke: Yeah...

Orachimaru: Tomorrow I'll have more lessons planned out for you.

Sasuke: Ok.

**Thanks for reading my story! Umm... yes... this is the second chapter of "Orochimaru's Stubid Training with Sasuke". Don't worry, I'm going to do more lessons and I will post them soon! I haven't made them yet, but I do these really fast! Alright, please review if you want to. Tell your friends about his story too if you know they'll like it! Bye!**

**-Super Ninja Asian-Chan**


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